


from somewhere within

by suavebitch



Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Catholic Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e10 Unworthy, angsty sex, sad priests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 07:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13519503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suavebitch/pseuds/suavebitch
Summary: In every car the shotgun has his face, every dark-haired man is him until they turn around and fade because Tomas is light and the others don't matter.





	from somewhere within

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peacefrog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacefrog/gifts).



> So this is me, posting a fic online after like... 10 years. And that's a fact :'D I am so nervous about this, you have no idea. But tear it down if you want to, I'm forever pleased with myself for even finishing and posting it. All mistakes are my own.

And nothing comes close  
To the way that I need you  
I wish I could feel your skin  
And I want you  
From somewhere within

\- Seafret, Oceans

1)

He is trembling, his whole body swaying with the wind and his eyes sting. Eternal echoes of static are going through his mind, his thoughts a never-ending loop of God, Tomas, the ocean, Tomas, God, the ocean, Tomas, Tomas, Tomas...

Marcus brakes into a run and he doesn't rest for many days.

 

2)

Finding him ends up not being as difficult, as Marcus feared. He feels God's presence most of the time, revealing him the right directions.

He goes to where it all began. But Chicago has changed. In a matter of months, the air is more humid with evil and the fear it casts upon the people is everywhere.

Marcus does everything he can to stay hidden, be invisible. The streets are filled with cops, how many of them are real he can't say. Monsters crawling freely in the daylight make Marcus furious, yet in his heart, he is only truly concerned with him.

 

3)

Marcus knows where the Sisters Monastery of the Holy Cross is, though he has never been behind its gates. Their estate is quite big, fourteen acres of quiet space, filled with greenery. A place to reflect, to pray, to find a way.

When the gate opens after one soft push - a click - Marcus has a bad feeling in his gut. It's too quiet and he knows the demons are watching him, but for some reason, they don't interfere.

 

4)

The Sun is slowly setting down and the monastery bathes in colors of red, pink and golden yellow. It's peaceful. Marcus can clearly feel his presence - can almost smell him - but that's just impossible, of course, he's just exhausted and daydreaming like a child.

But still, the air hums, moves in waves around him and even though it's quite cold outside, his face and chest feel very warm.

There is a man sitting on a bench, right under a big oak tree. Motionless, back slightly bent and looking at the damp, leaves covered ground... He just sits there and Marcus' tongue turns into lead.

Heading his way, Marcus tries to steady his breathing and anchor himself in reality, but he's floating. He desperately wants to say his name, but he forgets how. He can only live through it. He becomes it.

Blinded by his light, Marcus gets closer and closer, walking on the neatly kept pavement. He only sees the back of his head, but there's no doubt in his mind. It's him. Soft steps, as if he's approaching an animal prone to escape. The man must have noticed him by now, yet he still doesn't move an inch.

Marcus feels his fingers itching, slightly trembling, as if they recognize him and long to be on him again. Just like they once used to, all the time. Too often, too much.

"T- Tomas?" he whispers, not able to look away from the back of his head.

A few seconds of silence and then a smooth, quiet "Yes?" comes in return, just as Marcus reaches the bench and extends his hand. But his fingers miss Tomas' shoulder because he suddenly goes limp and starts sliding to the side, laying on the bench. Marcus manages to catch him just in time before he hits his head on the dark plank wood.

 

5)

"Start explaining, now!"

He can't shake the picture of Tomas in his hands, unconscious and still, worn out and clearly exhausted, pushed to the edge. Marcus screamed for help and carried Tomas inside the nearest building, which happened to be the main chapel. The fact that he was able to pick him up... Tomas has lost a lot of weight.

"Are you deaf or something? Mause!" Marcus presses, looking down at her face set in stone cold expression. That indifference sends Marcus off.

"You said you'd take care of him! Look at the state of him!" he points at Tomas, laid on a table with a nun checking up on him. She tries to make Marcus let go of Tomas' wrist, but he's not paying her any attention. So she gives up, says she'll get him some tea, says he's just tired.

"Why is he so tired that he's passing out? Fucking speak to me!"  
The nun gasps and disappears around the corner. The profanity finally sets Mouse off and she's angry now, too.

"What do want from me? You know very well what's going on! There are far too many demons, Tomas has got a lot better at handling them, but it's just too much. Nevertheless, he manages to exorcise ten times more then the rest of us combined, so he keeps going."

Marcus just looks at her, incredulous.

"What?! I am not his mother, what did you think would happen? He is a grown man, he makes his own decisions," she crosses her arms and keeps glaring at Marcus, then at Tomas.

"I tried talking to him, but he said that God gave him a purpose and he won't let him down and after that, he wouldn't discuss it again. He's overly stubborn and-" she cuts off because the look in Marcus' eyes is feral.

"You knew this would happen. It's not on me," Mouse breathes out. The look on her face says 'It's on you.'

Marcus won't be able to shake the regret of leaving Tomas, ever - he knows that for a fact. Everything about Tomas reminds him of that burning fact. You abandoned him. He suffered.

"Take him to his rooms, I'll show you. He just needs to sleep it off. He'll be fine." Marcus shoves her hand aside when she tries to help him carry Tomas. So she goes to the door and leads him the right way.

"The sisters here let us use their vacant cells. This is the one," she stops in front of a green varnished door without any markings.

"You should go, now," Marcus says and Mouse doesn't protest.

"Tomas needs to be in the main Monastery building by eight, take him," she says and when Marcus growls "not happening" she ignores him and walks away.

 

6)

The room is extremely small, just enough space for a small heater, cupboard, bed, and a desk with a lamp. The walls are empty (except for a crucifix nailed to one of them) and used to be white. There's a single window, big enough to light the room properly, but it's mostly covered by a huge and heavy greyish-green curtain.

Marcus clenches his teeth. It's cold in here. Images of clumsy, asleep on his feet Tomas (too tired to switch the lights on) are on his mind. Falling already unconscious on his bed in dirty clothes. Hungry, because eating is not a priority and-

He needs to stop.

Tomas' bed is a mess. Marcus lays him down and drags the thin blanket over him. He thinks about moving a chair next to his bed and sleeping there, but he doesn't feel like he can sit down, not just yet. Staring at Tomas' face wouldn't help.

He decides to go back to his car, get his stuff and take a shower, so he feels more human. Marcus thinks about how much he wants to touch Tomas' face now, to just quickly drag two fingers up his stubbled chin - but frowns upon himself, instead.

 

7)

He is grateful to the nuns when they offer him a cell opposite to Tomas'.

Next thing - a shower. They assure him of privacy, not that he cares. The bathroom is small and modest, but clean. The water isn't even close to hot, but it doesn't matter.

There is no mirror and he's grateful. Based on how he feels, he probably looks like shit, too. He heads back to Tomas' room, but there are loud steps behind the door and Marcus panics - practically jumps to his own room and closes the door as quietly as possible. Cursing himself for being such a coward.

Moments later someone leaves Tomas' room and when Marcus opens the door again and checks, Tomas is gone. Marcus feels ridiculous, hiding in his room like a feckless child.

 

8)

When he goes to the main building a few minutes later, he has a clear idea of what's happening inside, but that turns out to be quite naive. He imagined Tomas with a coffee in one hand, bible in the other, face pale and bags under his eyes, in preparation. Maybe having a polite conversation with another exorcist or two.

What he actually sees are demons, chained, crawling around in binding rings drawn on the ground. A few other exorcists reciting from the bible and Tomas, who goes from one demon to the next, draws crucifixes on their foreheads and connects with them. Then steps back a few minutes later, always a bit slower, looking determined but wasted.

The hall is quite dark, Marcus is sure he won't draw unnecessary attention unless he means to. He goes a bit closer and sits next to one of the nuns, a small, very old, quiet one who whispers the holy words intently.

"Can I?" he gestures to the seat next to her.

She just nods and goes back to it.

"He doesn't look very well, does he?" Marcus keeps staring at the scene in front of them, can't look away.

She measures him with sharp eyes, "Are you Marcus Keane?"

"Yes, I am."

She nods, understanding. She's probably been warned of his presence. "You're not wrong, he seems very worn out. I spoke with him yesterday after the maas, he is quite the gentleman. A kind soul. This task is leaving marks on him, for sure. Not the good ones."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just what I've noticed... He used to smile and talk a lot more. He mostly keeps to himself, now," she whispers like she could disturb Tomas' screaming in any way, with that soft voice of hers. "I wish we could ease his burden. But he is needed beyond belief, none of us would be here without him."

"FAUL CREATURE, IN THE NAME OF GOD, I CAST YOU OUT!"

Marcus only nods in understanding. He continues whispering with her: "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love."

 

9)

By 1 AM Tomas is barely standing on his feet.

Marcus is tense on the edge of his seat, partially in awe of how much Tomas has learned, but also very concerned. Most of the people - nuns, priests, monks - are gone, Tomas is finishing up. When he comes back from the last demon, the white milky water gone he looks over his shoulder and finds Mouse, offering him a glass of water. He drinks it. Then talks to her, but Marcus can't hear any of it. The old nun is asleep on his shoulder, little glasses almost falling off of her nose.

When Tomas nods at Mouse goodbye, she stabs Marcus with her eyes, looking almost... accomplished? And his blood boils. He wakes up the nun with a soft "Sister? I think you fell asleep" and when she apologizes and leaves for her cell, he follows Tomas.

His mind completely blank, he doesn't know what to say once Tomas finally sees him. On his way, Tomas bounces to a wall once or twice in an attempt to steady himself but failing at recognizing the distance from himself to, well, anything. He's completely oblivious to the world,

When he arrives at his cell and is about to close the door again, Marcus puts his boot in the way.

Tomas looks up, startled.

"Hello, luv."

Tomas wipes his face. "Oh God, not again," he whimpers and turns around.

Marcus is... a bit confused. He can't possible remember him? It doesn't seem like Mouse told him, either.

"What do you mean, 'again'?"

"You're here, again," Tomas replies and starts taking off his collar, then his shoes. "Dios mio, estoy loco," he whispers.

Marcus is too tired for this, doesn't understand and desperately needs the connection. It's been too long. He makes Tomas sit down on his bed and takes off his shoes for him. Tomas is suddenly startled.

"Marcus..?"

"So you do remember me and I don't have to cry about it later, hm?" he jokes in a not very convincing manner and fakes a frown.

"I- I thought I was-" Tomas breathes out and slides down the bed to the ground, right in front of Marcus, eyes unbelieving. He instinctively puts a hand on the older man's shoulder and squeezes.

"What are you doing here? Is something wrong? I haven't heard from you since..." he trails off and looks aside.

"I just wanted to check the luxury you live in, the famous God's Almighty weapon!" Marcus cracks a smile and then regrets the bad joke, as Tomas clearly gets upset. A second later the young priest wipes his eye and laughs. And it's real. Marcus feels his chest filling up and getting tight with hotness.

'I needed this so much. Seeing you smile like this is everything', he wants to say but stays silent.

Tomas keeps wiping his eyes and when Marcus is about to ask 'what's wrong' a tear drops down his face, then another one and he starts crying, hides his face in his hands. And Marcus grabs him by the shoulders, pulls him in, spilling his slurred apologies in waves.

"God I'm so sorry, I should have never- I'm so sorry, forgive me... forgive me please, Tomas, Tomas..."

But Tomas can't hear most of it, as he's passed out a minute later.

 

10)

Marcus knew he absolutely should not do it, but he chooses to be weak. The ease of lifting Tomas on his bed only strengthening his need to protect, Marcus can't breathe with it.

Tomas is slightly trembling, so Marcus goes to get his blanket too and returns. In the meantime Tomas has moved to lay on his side, facing the wall. Marcus puts one more blanket on him, takes off his jacked lays down and uses it as a pillow. The bed is small but it's manageable. Though they are slightly touching in some places, Marcus obviously wants to go to hell, because he puts his arm around Tomas' waist, face burying in the priest's dark hair.

Eyes firmly shut he smells him with deep breaths. Something big inside him is fully conscious now, he craves to mark him as his own, protect him from all of this. Desire quickly follows.

He's disgusted with his thoughts but so aroused at the same time, he can't sleep for another hour.

 

11)

How fucking stupid and completely pointless would it be - to leave him again? Because he already sees Tomas in all the doorways. In every car the shotgun has his face, every dark-haired man is him until they turn around and fade because Tomas is light and the others don't matter.

Every cell in Marcus' body is thirsty but the water only exists for Tomas to walk on.

He's shaking because he's not sure if God truly wants him to be here or if his mind tricked him. What if Marcus has been truly thrown into the ditch like the sickly kitten he is, forgotten by God.

By his own choice. He said it himself -  
'In that moment, I rejected his love.'

The door clicks softly when he leaves, ditching the last remains of his restraint and reason in that pitiful room.

 

12)

He goes outside and regrets not putting the jacket on immediately. It's cold and windy, the sky muddy grey and dull, lifeless. He turns around and sees Tomas disappearing among trees, heading for the restricted area of the park. He follows.

Tomas enters a small chapel by the west wall. It looks very time-worn and deserted, hidden. Its walls are covered with webs of cracks and dry ivy. When Marcus enters two minutes after Tomas, his brain freezes.

It's quite dark inside, most of the windows are broken and have planks nailed to them. At the altar, there are some lit candles with high and thin flames, swaying slightly.

Tomas seems so small like this, kneeling on the ground, shirtless and trying to contain his gasps. A leather cat o'nine tails in one of his hands whistling as it moves around him. He's not praying, only flagging his back with deliberate, strong movements.

Marcus is on him in a heartbeat.

"Stop it, Tomas! Stop - just give it to me!"

Tomas caught like a deer in the headlights, ceases the whipping, but only tightens his grip on the tool, knuckles white. Marcus has to wrench it out of his hand, then send it flying to the altar. A few candles fall down.

"Oh God," he gasps as he gets down and takes a closer look at Tomas' back, sides, shoulders. There are countless gashes, some inflicted but seconds ago, some days and weeks old. They are red and swollen, even bleeding. He doesn't dare to touch them. Tomas stares at his hands, unblinking.

"I'm not enough, Marcus. I keep going, twice a day, every day. I try to help for hours... and they keep coming back, always more of them and they are so much stronger than before," he looks at Marcus with glossy, bloodshot eyes.

"You were right. It's wrong. It's filth beneath my skin, "Tomas spits, his face crumpling in a disgusted grimace. "They're whispering, constantly. I can hear them even now, at the back of my head. They know the darkest parts of me, they keep pushing these images in front of me and I- " he looks into a dark corner, "I'm failing."

He is so vulnerable, so delicate. Eyes glistening in the dark, smudges of dark circles under them, lips trembling.

"Focus Tomas, keep talking. Tell me more."

"I don't sleep. I keep seeing your face. You're usually dead," Tomas says simply. "Or," he whispers, all unshed tears and broken spirit,"...you find someone new. Better student, righteous man. A good man. He touches you and... you want him, too."

"You stupid idiot, you stupid fucking boy," Marcus gasps.

Tomas stares at him and gets closer, slowly, never looking away. He smooths out Marcus' left eyebrow with his thumb and he's just right there, breathing into his face, quick puffs of hot, damp air. Marcus is on the verge of a breakdown. He prays to God to give him strength because whatever is Tomas doing, he knows what he wants to do. He's been thinking about it for months, Tomas opening up for him in every way possible, melting into him and basking in his love. Receiving it and craving it.

And Tomas fucking his mouth, sure. God, he has thought about that so often it's a fantasy forever burned into his mind.

Tomas gives a quick chaste kiss on his lips, it makes a soft, wet sound. Marcus sees the tension in his posture, knows the boy is just waiting for his reaction, longs for it. Marcus must not give it because it would be the wrong one, the one that would put his filth all over Tomas.

No way back, don't do it, save your soul from me. Don't do it. I'm not strong enough to tell you 'no'.

"Tomas-"

I am another filthy beast that longs to crawl under your skin, you see.

"I- I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Tomas hides his mouth in his hand, steadies himself on the ground with the other one and backs off. Marcus' throat is almost unbearably tight and he feels his blood can't reach his brain, he's sure to faint soon, legs and arms rigid. Tomas makes this pitiful sound, something like a little laugh, but it's so fake it causes Marcus physical pain.

Tomas inhales sharply and clasps his hands in a prayer to the point it looks painful. "My Lord and my God, have mercy upon my soul, a sinner..." his eyes are closed, head bowed, eyelashes wet.

Marcus clenches his jaw. "Tomas, we need to leave."

Tomas shifts, finishing his prayer with 'Amen'. "If you need to leave, you can, no one will stop you. I have to go and take a shower before the... before I meet the others," voice forced but calm, he stands up and Marcus follows.

"I apologize, really. It's been a couple of rough months, I haven't been able to see my sister and my nephew," Marcus is only half listening, his mind still reeling. He feels Tomas closing off like he's drifting away, going into a great maze of dirt, blood and demon guts without him. He's starting to panic.

"We need to leave," Marcus urges with the remains of his voice, just a meek noise.

Tomas only looks at him with a ... sad disbelief? Resigned smile? Last 'goodbye my friend'?

He puts his coat across his shoulders (with a flinch when it touches and lays on his back) and goes for the whip. Picks it up, puts it in the bag with the clean clothes and stands in front of Marcus again, more collected, extending his hand.

Not this shit again, Marcus thinks.  
"Goodbye, mi hermano."

This man, but a shadow of the person he really is, Marcus thinks. He sees this man and can't help being painfully aware of everything that's not right, like his slightly hollowed cheeks, pale skin, dim eyes. It's impossible, but he can see the small drop of crimson blood sliding down his spine and then soaking in the black coat.

He takes Tomas' hand and holds it like it's a holy relic. Tomas, clearly not expecting the softness of the touch, is instinctively looking down at their hands and Marcus... Marcus is in a place with no time and space. Tomas is the only living thing, the only one worth clinging to.

He traces Tomas' veins with the fingers of his left hand and then lets them slowly move up. They follow the veins up his forearm, then his arm and when he lets two fingers slide over his shoulder and under the coat, the thick fabric goes back and the whole thing falls to the ground.

"Marcus."

Tomas breathes out, shaking. Marcus can see his nipples perked, goosebumps everywhere on his shoulders and chest. His ribs are showing. When Tomas licks his lips quickly, Marcus can feel it in his cock, right to its tip.

Marcus has never expected it would require just one word to send him over the edge. The thing that finally brakes through his guilt and chastity and makes it clear - one word. The final blow to his defense. Resolution.

As Marcus' fingers move to Tomas' slightly parted lips, barely touching the corner of his mouth, there it comes.

"Please," Tomas sobs quietly.

Marcus grabs his face with both hands, goes forward and smashes their lips together. Tomas immediately brings his hands up as well, holds Marcus' skull right behind his ears, increases the pressure of their lips. They can hardly move them, but they manage.

It's hungry and messy and both of them are hardly able to breathe through their noses. Tomas makes a needy noise at the back of his head and Marcus puts his head to the younger man's earlobe and whispers in a hurry, "Tell me you want this too, tell me I'm not fucking delusional."

Tomas rolls his eyes upwards as he feels Marcus' hot breath on the sensitive skin there.

"Y-yeah," he manages.

Marcus licks at his ear, and Tomas' feels the tears in his eyes, blinded by desire. Unable to speak. "Te quiero, te quiero..." Tomas moves his hips forward and maneuvers Marcus to the nearest wall.

Marcus groans and feels out of oxygen. Emotions flooding his lungs like honey, thick and golden. His dick so painfully hard in his pants that when Tomas has him caught between the wall and starts grinding, Marcus sees stars.

"Tomas," hands gripping the younger man's hips. Tomas keeps on kissing him, slides his tongue in Marcus' mouth again and Marcus is embarrassingly close to orgasm. So he starts undoing Tomas's belt and Tomas does the same thing for him.

"Stop me, stop me if-"

"Don't you fucking stop, I want you so bad, Marcus, I've wanted this for too long," Tomas mumbles and licks into his mouth, finally opening his pants. Marcus gets Tomas' cock out just a few seconds later and puts his thumb over the big drop of wetness.

Tomas gazes at Marcus in awe.

Marcus takes him by the back of his head and guides their foreheads together, while whispering Tomas' name over and over again, like a prayer. Then he takes both of their cocks together and starts jerking them slowly.

Tomas' eyes go backward and he moans. Marcus feels their dicks get impossibly stone hard in his hand. He picks up the pace and Tomas is panting like he ran a mile, lips parted and swollen, spit on his chin.

"Oh my God, don't stop, I can't- ah!" he's steadying himself by holding Marcus' shoulders, trying not to fuck into his hand too much.

"You're so fucking gorgeous," Marcus spits out between moans. "So beautiful, I can't even look at you right now, I'd be spilling in a second," he mumbles.

That goes right to Tomas' cock and he's not breathing. "I'm- I'm coming," he whispers almost surprised and Marcus lets go as well, keeping the same pace while his old knees get weak. Tomas digs fingers into his shoulders. They both come and for a few seconds, the world turns into nothing - eternal black, buzzing with pleasure.

They slide on the wall right to the ground, Marcus instinctively grips at Tomas, making sure he's alright. They stay like that for a few minutes, clutching at each other's clothes and breathing it out.

"We need to leave," Marcus repeats again into Tomas' hair.

There's a moment and then Tomas just nods.

 

13)

They get back to Tomas' cell (Marcus half carrying Tomas) to grab their stuff. Marcus doesn't want to spend there any more time than absolutely necessary, so he changes into a clean sweater and wets a towel for Tomas. He thanks him, a bit nervous or embarrassed, Marcus is not sure and he doesn't have the time to ponder upon it. Let alone upon what happened fifteen minutes ago.

They are outside in five minutes.

"We should say goodbye," Tomas protests as they greet another nun walking by with a smile. She doesn't look very concerned with them though.

"Can't risk that."

"Risk? What do you mean?"

"Just trust me, this whole thing," he motions around. "It's unusual, even in this situation. They want you to feel like the messiah, pressure you to the edge and it's too much. It's weird. And even if there's nothing skew, they still fucked up."

Tomas opens his mouth to defend them, Marcus won't have any of it.

"You were on a death road. And don't give me that sacrifice crap again, you're not sacrificing because they're losing their shit," he leads them to the gates, only holding Tomas' hand to not draw too much attention, but not comfortable with breaking the contact entirely.

"Try to look a bit less unconscious on your feet, alright? My car is right behind the corner," Marcus points to an old bistro and reassuringly smiles.

They slip through the gates. No one bothers locking it as if anything really dangerous could be stopped by that. Marcus is almost worried, it seems too easy.

It all gets more difficult quite fast.

Mouse sits on the hood of his old jeep with a cup of coffee in her lap. When she sees them, she drinks from it a puts it down, expression unreadable.

Marcus feels Tomas tense beside him, but he doesn't let go.

"Are you going somewhere, Tomas?" she asks, almost casually and takes off her sunglasses, sticks them to a pocket in her jacket.

"Get off my car, little Mouse," Marcus barks impatiently. He doesn't want this to go the wrong way.

But she's not really paying him attention, focusing on Tomas instead. She looks at their joined hands. Tomas let's go of Marcus to show his palms in a friendly gesture.

"Yes, but we'll be back soon. I just need to get out for a bit, it'll be just a few days. You can handle that, you'll be fine."

"That's what he told you?" she motions to Marcus, who's putting their bags on the backseats. "He won't bring you back here, Tomas."

He's concerned after that, but keeps quiet.

"Come on, Tomas."

"Are you seriously going to abandon everyone? I know he does that, but you, Tomas? I thought you cared about the people. You know we're stranded, we need you here. God needs you here!"

She has Marcus at her face after that but she doesn't step back. "Back off," Marcus spits, then extends a hand for Tomas. He takes it and Marcus sets him to motion again, leads him into the passenger's seat. Tomas crawls inside with visible effort.

"He's fucking dead on his feet," Marcus turns to Mouse after he slams the car doors.

"We are all tired Marcus, why should he get any special treatment? He has a gift and he's supposed to use it, you can't protect him from this! We need you, Tomas!" she looks past Marcus' shoulder, but Tomas is passed out, slumped on the seat and leaning on the door.

"Tomas..?"

Marcus turns looks at him and then faces Mouse again, angry. But she's determined.

"You must not do this, Marcus! He's needed here, you don't understand!"

"You've almost killed him, we're not staying here. He is going to use his gift, but not on your terms," he points a finger at her. "And do not look for us, I'm warning you."

Mouse is quite for a second and speaks just when Marcus is about to go.

"It's wrong. It's a sin," she whispers - an accusation, but with a tinge of blame. She knows. "Maintain purity, put duty before self. Protect the innocent."

Marcus could be ashamed. (He could reconsider and save his soul.) He definitely should be ashamed, too. But she knows none of the right reasons for it.

She doesn't know that at the back of his head, Marcus feels like he took advantage. He's terrified that when Tomas has a proper nights sleep and some food in his stomach, he'll be in deep regret over the whole thing. Maybe he'll even suggest they forget it and go on like before. And that would be perfectly fine, of course, any way to have Tomas back is fine, more than that... But Marcus' stomach turns at the slightest thought of it. Tomas' rejection equals devastation.

So he goes the other way.

"Yeah, so what? I'm not a priest anymore, darling. My duty is over."

Mouse gapes.

He gives her his half smile, gets into the car and drives away.

 

14)

"Even if I have to cover yours with my own soul, to shield you from the darkness, I will," Marcus vows.

The sun is already gone and it's getting dark. Tomas' rosary swings on the rear-view mirror, where he hung it. Marcus tries to fix his eyes on the road, really. Still, he keeps glancing at the sleeping man beside him every two minutes. Tomas' chest slowly moving up and down, face clean of any worry.

It's as if they are being followed by huge, sinister clouds of storm raising behind them. The reality is so crisp around its edges, it's scraping at Marcus' brain. He inhales the evening air coming through his window.

If God is watching, Marcus thinks, he doesn't know. Not that he cares. Tomas believes that God has brought them together, so maybe he did. If God actually decided to give Marcus someone this special - he can't expect to get him back, can he?

When Tomas smiles and says his name, Marcus feels a shiver go down his spine.

**Author's Note:**

> I want you  
> And I always will  
> I wish I was worth  
> But I know what you deserve  
> You know I'd rather drown  
> Than to go on without you  
> But you're pulling me down.
> 
> \- Seafret, Oceans
> 
> \------------------------------------
> 
> Thank you for reading this - I am in awe you are even here.
> 
> You can find me obsessing over stuff and posting my fanart on this [tumblr!](http://kamthe.tumblr.com)
> 
> <3


End file.
